#!/usr/bin/perl
# Jeffrey Fulmer <jeff@joedog.org>
# Pulls down a random Bushism from slate.com
# based on Acme::Bushisms 
#
use LWP::Simple qw($ua get);
use strict;
use vars qw($VERSION $LOCK_EX $LOCK_UN);

$LOCK_EX = 2;
$LOCK_UN = 8;

my $cache = "$ENV{'HOME'}/.bushism";
if(-e $cache){
  system("cat $cache");
} else {
  random_bushism(); 
}

reload();
exit;


sub
reload()
{
  my $pid;
 
  if($pid = fork){
    return;
  } elsif(defined($pid)){
    dubya_get();
    exit;   
  } else {
    die;
  }
}

sub
dubya_get()
{
  my($dubya, $lies, $bush, @quotes);

  $ua->timeout(8);

  my $lies = get("http://slate.msn.com/id/76886/");
  if(not defined $lies){
    $dubya  = random_bushism();
  } else {
    ($bush) = $lies =~ /(<\/p><p>.*?\".*<\/p><p>)/sm;
    $bush   =~ s/\(\s*thank.*?\)//ismg;
    $bush   =~ s/<\/?[^p][^>]+>//g;
    $bush   =~ s/\&\w+\;//g;
    $bush   =~ s/("--|("|'|\s)[^\w\s\r\"\.\']{3,3})/"\n--George W Bush, /ig;
    $bush   =~ s/[^\w\s\r\"\.\']{3,3}/--/g;
    @quotes = $bush =~ /<p>+(\".*?)<p>+/smg;
    $dubya  = $quotes[rand @quotes];
    $dubya  = $dubya . "\n--George W Bush"
    unless ($dubya =~ /--George/);
  }

  $dubya =~ s/\s+$//;
  $dubya =~ s/(.{72,}?\S?) +(\S)/$1\n$2/g;

  if(open(FILE, ">" . $cache)){
    flock(FILE, $LOCK_EX);
    print FILE $dubya . "\n";
    flock(FILE, $LOCK_UN);
    close(FILE);
  }

  return;
}

sub
random_bushism()
{
  my @bushisms;

  $bushisms[++$#bushisms] = <<END;  
"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and 
more closely, the inner soul of the people.  On some great and glorious 
day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last
and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."
-- H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) 
END

  $bushisms[++$#bushisms] = <<END;  
"If you don't stand for anything, you don't standfor anything!"
-- George W. Bush, November 2, 2000 Seattle, WA
END
  
  $bushisms[++$#bushisms] = <<END;  
"It's a school full of so-called at-risk children. It's how we, 
unfortunately, label certain children. It means basically they can't 
learn.  ...  It's one of the best schools in Houston."
-- George W. Bush in Houston
END

  $bushisms[++$#bushisms] = <<END;  
"...more and more of our imports are coming from overseas."
-- George W. Bush September 26, 2000 on NPR's Morning Edition
END
  
  $bushisms[++$#bushisms] = <<END;  
George W. Bush's new Web site, www.georgewbush.com, states that the 
No. 3 priority of the campaign is "Putting Education First." 
-- 7/19... Al Kamen, Washington Post
END

  $bushisms[++$#bushisms] = <<END;  
"Then Bush responded to questions about whether he would drop out of the
race by holding up a half-eaten ear of corn to the questioners, a gesture 
he did not explain."
--Boston Globe, August 3, 2003
END

  $bushisms[++$#bushisms] = <<END;  
"It is not Reaganesque to support a tax plan that is Clinton in nature."
--George W. Bush, February 23, 2000 
END

  print $bushisms[rand @bushisms] . "\n"; 
}