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Joe Dog Software

Proudly serving the Internets since 1999

up arrow Sleeping Aids (Or How To Sleep After Turning Caffeine Into Code All Day)

When Your JoeDog was a kid his parents tried to put him to bed with little success. They yelled, they bribed, they pleaded but nothing seemed to work. There was always another teevee show to watch, another coke to drink and another toy to play with. After about six or seven years of futility, his parents said “fsck it.” They went to bed while he watched McMillan & Wife on the CBS Late Movie.

The fact is Your JoeDog has always been a pretty shitty sleeper.

It’s a trait that doesn’t seem to run in the family, though. By the time he was ten, Your JoeDog was known to cook himself a 3:00 am breakfast. He’d clang pots pans while the parental-units slept through the clatter.

After he graduated from college, Your JoeDog was surprised to learn the boss wanted him at work … on time … in the morning. It was a revelation that prompted a life-long quest for the perfect sleep aid. When he sees ads for these products online, Your JoeDog is quick to click. “Well, hey, let’s see what this can do.”

Tonight he was all Clicky McClickums and found himself reading reviews for Somnapure on Amazon. It’s a pill which contains herbal supplements. Some reviewers loved it while others thought it worthless. In a field of over 400 reviews, one stood out.  J. Charlton loved this pill so much he gave it five stars:

this cream is magical. My wrinkles are gradually disappearing since I started using this product.. I am 90 yours [sic] old and my skin is amazing for my age.

Mmmmm think I’ll pass….

So what does Your JoeDog recommend for insomnia? After all this time he’s only found one product that consistently works: Bob Marley Mellow Mood Tea. It’s a decaffeinated tea with herbal additives. The key ingredient is valerian root.

Unfortunately, he can’t just take valerian pills. In the US, supplements aren’t regulated and they rarely contain the ingredients listed on the bottle. That doesn’t appear to be the case with Mellow Mood. If Your JoeDog downs one of these before bedtime, he sleeps like a little tiny baby. Well, somebody else’s baby. He never actually slept as a child.

NOTE: This is not a paid promotional piece of bullshit. Your JoeDog truly loves Bob Marley’s Mellow Mood. He thinks you might love it, too.